The thought of leaving makes me wanna cry. & I think this feeling is just gonna get worse from here :( It's like, I know I'm leaving but I'm still wasting my time left in sg. Bullshit la it's only been a few days. But that's what it totally feels like. Maybe cos I'M LEAVING WTH WTH WTH WTH. Omg......... Cant believe it, seriously. I wanna spend as much time as possible with everyone but I dont wanna be a time waster / distraction / whatever :(

I'm gonna miss so many people, so many things. I'm gonna have to live alone (sucks), freaking become the maid of my apartment. I have to sweep mop wipe dust, clean my dishes, do my own laundry, cook for myself. At first I thought cooking would be quite fun. But after looking through some cookbooks & like uhhhh, thinking about having to go to the supermarket after school everyday to get groceries, before cooking for myself.......... Sigh. 18 more cookbooks to look through Lyanne. & I think the rules of the apartments dont allow me to keep pets :(

Good & bad of going to Melbourne. But wellllll I guess I really gotta do it for "the good" cos it's my studies, which I'll totally screw up in sg. Leaving doesnt mean everything has to end right? I've been praying every night... I'm so scared :( But at least I know I'll have a true friend I can be close to once again when I go over :) I love you Resa! She calms my heart. HAHA really really. Like, when I keep thinking about the bad of leaving sg, thinking of Resa in Melbourne makes me feel better.

By my birthday, I'm gonna... NOT BE LAZY. I cant be lazy anymore. Omg that'll probably be my last birthday celebrating with who ever I'll be celebrating it with. Cos my next birthday in sg would be in 4 or 5 years :(

Hahahaha I think my posts are gonna be all about me leaving......... I really cant stop thinking about it!! Nobody's gonna read my blog anymore.....

The person I'm gonna miss the most, (needless to say) :

FREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK IF MY MUM CANT PUSH HER PILGRIMAGE BACK I HAVE TO LEAVE IN MAY?! MAY MAY MAY?!?!?! MAY?!?! WHAT THE FREAK. That's too soon.... Too soon... Way too sooooooooon. Even though it's the end of may. It's still next next month. This month's ending soon so it'll be next month in no timeeee. I'll have to leave in 8 weeks? Oh am gee, that's freaking soon.

But well, she allows me to stop going to Pj whenever I want, stay in the apartment not hostel, GET A DOG, pay for unlimited broadband for me even though it's so ex there, get me my own washing machine even though they have the coin ones below my apartment, & blah blah blah. Mamamiaaa, the only thing that'll be missing will be Isaiah :(

Leaving sg, going to Melb. That's all I've been thinking about.

Who's gonna read all this crap -.- I just wanna type.

:O I'm like, 99% going to Trinity. Tmr it'll be a 100% cos I'm submitting all my stufffff tmr. Goodbye Singapore, goodbyeeee.......... Now there's so many things I wanna do. But actually I cant think of anything HAHA. I just feel like I have to do everything & anything before I leave. But, yucks sucksss, everyone's busy with studies / school / ns! :( I think I'm gonna quit Pj next week, get a job, and... ya. Dye my hair black for a while then purple highlights or something, eyelash extensions, finally get my brows plucked again HAHAHA. Vain vain vain... How exciting.

Omgomgomg I just talked to Rena & Resa. They're making me feel so excited! But when I think about Isaiah I get sad :( Oh man, I'm leaving? I really hope the perfect plan is a perfect plan. I'm leaving so soooooon. It'll come in no time. 10 more weeks to "see you in half a year" :'( WHAT IS THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Nvm nvm nvm I believe in the perfect plan. It'll work, it'll work.

I realised, I'll be done with trinity even before alevels! Start half a year later, end half a year earlier. & I'll be taking math 1A (sec 4 amath), psychology (for fun), environment & development (Rena:"All about loving the environment"). All I need to do business in uni is math 1A. Rockzzzzzz. Freed from CHINESE CHEM ECONS! Those 3 subs make me feel DEPRESSED, like some dumb goat.

I feel like I just typed a million words. As long as my project work PI which I do not have to do anymore :D :D :D So sad, friday will be my last training. & hopefully monday will be my last day in Pj.

"Celebrated" Paul's birthday yesterday!

HELLO! O-M-G, I think, I think.... I finally made up my mind. FINALLY. F-I-N-A-L-L-Y you know! & I feel goooooooood. Perfect plan man.

HELLO MELBOURNEEEEEEEE! Trinity here I come. Omg I better not change my mind again! But I doubt this time I would. Cos I really hate jc work & I really think I'll fail a levels. Gonna tell my mum soon. Once I do, I cant change my mind already cos then all the arrangements would have been made! Like my accommodation & stuff. Mmmm mmm mmm I dont have the guts to tell my mum! So scary. Like.... Huh I'm leaving?!?! Oh ok when. In about 10 or 11 weeks?!?! HUH? 0_0 Yeah I'll probably be leaving in early june.

My mum's super fast. Too fast....
"I think I wanna go to Trinity already"
"Sure? K I go call them now & make arrangements"
"HUH NOW?!?! NOT SO FAST PLS. By this week la!!"

Better stuff myself with yummy sg food first. I wanna stop going to Pj asap, dye my hair, & get a job for a short while. Earn some $, go SHOP.

:'(

K I really hate jc life. Tuesdays suckkkk cos I end at 530, tmr's tuesday. I think all my teachers hate me. Today I forgot to bring my tie & got caught for my skirt which is so totally not short -.- Beat & I bathed after pe whoo! Felt damn clean & good la. But drying our hair was such a bother.

After school:


HAHA MY HAIR!


Wii damn fun


Guitar heroes damn fun

His house damn fun, his house damn big, damn nice. I also want.

Hi. I feel so dead, & horrible. I think I'm gonna like, decide whether I'm leaving or not by this week. I'm gonna try..... I'm so fickle minded. I think I.... suck. I cant get over things easily, I feel so negative, I feel so lonely (I dont know why), I feel so broke, I feel so troublesome, annoying, & dumb. Such a nuisance. Dumbass. I feel like some ghost floating around, I feel so dreamy weird floaty dead, wasting everyone's time. I just wanna stay in bed for the rest of the week &....... rot. It's like, now there's the option of going to Melbourne, I just wanna pack my stuff and go go go. Start a new life. But there's some stuff I have no idea how I'm gonna let go of :( But then again what if all that disappears & I miss my chance of going to Trinity.......... & instead, suffer in sg............... Where, I know, I wont do well for my a levels, & probably screw up the rest of my life. But by going to Trinity, I'd be troubling my parents. Then again, staying = disharmony (according to my mum). I'm being all negative again. I keep thinking that everything turns bad after a while. Like everything else. & this is why I need to get over stuff. It's like, I dont believe in forever. Or something like that........ What's my problem. I dont know why I'm starting to think like this. Sucks sucks sucks. & this is why I suck. I just wanna bring everything that I cant let go of with me to Australia & everywhere I go. I wanna have the best of both worlds. Ha ha whatever la, who doesnt. I just typed a whole paragraph of rubbish.

What I'm trying to say is... I'm 2 steps closer to Trinity.

Mer Rena & Resa will always be the best friends I've ever had. Forever, I'm so sure of that. (This forever = a memory that will stay with me) I know I'd never find friends like them anywhere else. Anddddd, I miss all 3 of them.

I love you,


School sucks, but still I hope it'll make me feel better tmr.

Town, church, cell dinner, back to town. Church event reminded me of His amazing love. But like, at first I didnt really think the event was thaaaat good. About a few minutes ago, I was thinking about everything & I realised something... Only You, Lord.

One step closer to Trinity. I dont feel good tonight. It's all coming back. Tmr = homework day.

Thx Mer


GUESS WHO'S BOTAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Robot

Grrrrrrrr I cant make up my mind. First I was all set about going to Trinity, then I kinda settled for Pj, & now I'm thinking of going again. There's like good & bad in both :( The "bad" of leaving sg is.................. :( I can cry just thinking about leaving. Gotta make my final decision by next month, which is SO FREAKING SOON :'(

Mmmmmmmmm whatever, I'm gonna take a nap till isa's nap ends. Hopefully I'll find my answer somewhere in my dream.

Hello, my Pj life:

School's been alright! Good news cafe making me fat -.- Yuckssss I'm such a pig la. I cant control myself when I'm hungry HAHA. Training today! Quite fun! :) But dirty, wet & muddy.... Poor new boots haha. We're gonna rent a locker, & it's gonna be our BATHING LOCKER! To put big bottles of soap HAHA. S10 is not bad! I guess I'm starting to like my class, whoohoo. I'm the peer coach HAHA yesss I help sad depressed classmates, & help out in like, school events & stuff. I thought it would be nice for my cert.

Ohhhh yeahhhh went for dinner with the J1 touch rug peepz. Lot1 is where I belong. I am the ah lian babeh, my territory. K not really, mine's bukit panjang plaza, just as gross.

Hahahehehe look at everyone!!!!


OMG XINPEI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




All funny face except Yile! Haha.

Hello pink panther. Took height & weight today. I am so determined to lose weight. Not by starving myself, but by watching what I eat. My weight broke my heart. My mum was right, I'm at my fattest!!!!!!!!!!!! & I freaking shrank by 2cm?!?!?!??!?!?! I CANT AFFORD TO LOSE ANY MORE CMS. Urgh :( Everything went wrong. Now I'm back to square one, my height in sec one. Wth wth wth. Why have I been shrinking since sec 2?

WHATEVERRRRRRR. My leg cramped up super badly last night while I was sleeping. It hurts now :( My calf muscle feels like a plastic bag filled with water. Great. Awesome. Wonderful. Training tmr. How?

Study hard Ly..............

ANYBODY GOING TO TRINITY, JULY 2008 MAIN INTAKE?

Lao sai I still cant decide la wth.......................

I have this weird habit of changing the Ls after every B to Rs. Like black = brack, bluff = bruff, blog = brog. ??? Dont know why.......

Haha I'm so lazy I'm stupid. I feel 10x more stupid now, really : / I think I'm at my stupidest. Just now my mum told me I'm at my fattest now?!?!?!?!?! >:( But ahhh whatever, it's small appetite season. I mean, I'm not the diet diet type. I just have these weirdo come & go seasons where I just dont ever get hungry. I dont know why, good & bad la! Can lose weight without suffering but not good for my health I guess : / Oh & today, from about 7m away, Kyle squinted at me, he said I looked damn tall!!!!!! :D Hahahaha.

Shit shit shit all my $ is flying away............ No I'm not gonna waste all my $ away again!! No more shopping Ly, enoughhh........

Tuesday

HAHAHAHA ah ma gad, damn funny.

Guess who I've been dreaming about... RENA & RESA!!! The other day I dreamt I went to Vivo with them? & last night I dreamt that I was flipping through some cheena magazine (Like 8days kind) & saw them inside. They were acting in Cj7 HAHA & as I was flipping through it I started crying. It was like pages after pages of them posing. Bahhhh. Nasanasanasanasa :( I miss them & Mer. Grrrrrrrrrrr sigh :( Brandids oh brandids.

Happy photo with Sa


Happy photo with Na










Crazy!! Hahaha.


Trying to look scared hahahahaha


Background = church




This photo is so nice & happy :)


& always remember that......


& that I love you too!






8th feb.. What a day!


Byebye..............................

So sad. I wanna cry. Grrrrrrrrrr :( Uploading & looking at all these photos made me feel worse :(